Humans are social animals and are constantly in search of deep and genuine connection with one another. It is the feeling we strive to achieve when we chase after love in all forms. As much as we want to connect with every acquaintances we meet– at work, in the mall, at the gym, in class ,almost everywhere- we could be restricted by shedload of obstacles which might range from emotions to mental health.
The importance of relationshps cannot be over emphasized. We live in a connected world. A world of relationships. Relationship is but a way in which we are connected. They are the building blocks of the society.
What exactly is a relationship?
Relationship is the way two or more people or group regard and behave towards each other. This association may be based on love, solidarity, regular business interaction or some type of social commitments. Basically, relationship is of four types on which all others are molded upon:
Family Relationship
This exist among relatives through form of kinship either by blood or marriage. Relationships among members of a family is expected to come naturally as each person subconsciously belongs to the group but even at that, the rate at which children feel disconnected to their parents -and vice versa- surprisingly alarming. This is a topic for another day though.
Romantic Relationship
If I would not be excessively exaggerating, it is generally believed among us that romantic relationship is only relationship there is. To a point, it is because there is mutual support and agreement which is key to a lasting connection in all relationships. In romantic relationship, one partner is strongly attracted to another both to their personality and often also physically and if lucky reciprocated by the other person. It is said to be the closest form of relationships.
Friends and Acquaintances
I will be taking the last two types together and that is intentional because it is actually the focus of the whole thing.
Ever wondered what might be the cause of the dwindling connection with people on our friends list and why we get more distant from acquaintances?
You do?- I do too- so, we are in this together. Maybe you’ve met few people who care less about this but trust me it isn’t okay. Why should we keep shedding off friends like dead leaves? You met this person whom you started off beautifully you guys have great connection and like the pulse rate of a dying patient, it began to slow down until reduced to a flat line.
Friends are people who we are not related to but choose to interact with. For a lasting existence, both people must see each other as “Friends”. Like that popular verse of the bible. However, there are varying degrees of friendships and this could be based on distance and time.
Acquaintances are people we may encounter regularly but are not friends or relatives. For instance, the woman selling fruits across the road or the attendant at your favorite shawarma spot, a work colleague or someone you’ve seen a couple times at social events but do not yet know well.
Now that we have defined our Relationships- friends or acquaintances- how do we make stronger the ones we already have and how do we build up the ones we just encountered or about to get? Which leads us to our next stop;
The ABCs of relationship.
In this age where we spend less time meeting people physically and more time socializing virtually- “which we don’t even know how to sustain”- how does one focus on making and maintaining relationships?
“I learnt that people will forget what you say, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel” – Maya Angelou
While it is a huge task, it is quite achievable- to maintain a sustainable rapport with people given we do not come from the same background or have the same social, moral and formal education. I will be sharing with us practical steps on how to build and maintain a lasting relationship:
Get Familiar
There are no shortcuts. Reach out to people one on one if you want to know them for real. This is what I refer to as breaking the ice. Say you meet someone at a gathering and you’d like to form a connection, take it a step further from the public and get personal.
Make a connection
This can feel like a daunting task when you don’t know very much about the person but finding common ground is easier than you think. Look out for things the person says during the casual convo to see if it leads to some common interest such as a favorite sports team, band or the fact that you both are an only or first child. Then again there us room for asking questions.
Compliments and appreciate
Socially, sincere compliment and gratitude go a long way in creating connections. This means that you should find true admirable traits, appreciate them for it and don’t forget not to overdo it. A compliment per conversation is just fine.
Follow up
This trick works well in connecting with people you already know and care about.
For instance, I was speaking on the phone with an old friend the other day-we haven’t been touch lately.
I was expecting a mad reaction for going AWOL on him but to my surprise the conversation just kicked in naturally after I asked him how far he’s gone with his admission processes- the last time we spoke he was nursing the prospect of furthering more academically- and It wasn’t until we found nothing to talk about that he had time for his vexations and that was even on a lighter note.
You see if you want people to feel you actually care about them, there is need to follow up on important things in their life. It could be a new job interview, an exam, that child that hasn’t been performing well academically, anything that would make them feel you care.
Open up
People won’t trust you unless you are willing to trust them. Take down your guard. Be friendly and make them feel comfortable in your presence. Now, I am not saying you start telling every dick and Harry all about yourself but it is expedient you work on revealing some personal information so they feel you are human too. Maybe your childhood, past romantic relationship, your hopes for the future or a funny incident.
Assume people want to form relationship too
Underneath, the crabbiest looking person is often a lonely soul hoping someone will make a back to their s. So, overcome the fear of being rejected because you will be richly rewarded with the new relationships you have made.
Be persistent
Though it may sound obvious, many people aren’t able to truly connect because they don’t continue their relationship even if they truly like the person. This is either due to laziness, shyness, or because people feel they are too busy to hangout. Sometimes, it maybe inability to understand the other person’s emotions. But we should really put in more if we truly want to connect.
Be present
People want to become part of something bigger than themselves. Many are looking for an opportunity to meet others who share common goals. Invite people to get involved. At worst, they will be flattered you invited them to join. Go to places and do things.
Relationship at early stage is prone to constant conflicts and disagreements, and following the steps above isn’t a warranty there wouldn’t be rift. This is so because we are all wired differently and it can be managed through:
People skills:
The ability to communicate effectively to people and to build sincerity, trust, moderate behaviors (which are less impulsive) and enhance agreeableness. This is an area of exploration about how people behave and are perceived irrespective of their thinking and feeling.
Emotional Quotient:
This is the capability of individual to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between feelings and label them appropriately and use this information to adjust emotions for adaptation or to achieve one’s goal(s). Studies have shown that people with high EI (emotional intelligence) have greater mental health and able to connect better with people and their environment.
How did you hit it off with someone you just met? Do you think there are better ways to handle conflicts especially in a budding friendship? How do you react to rift? Let hear your thoughts in the comments sections. We could use your tricks too.
