Written By: Onyiyechi Roseline
F*A*T*H*E*R
I wonder what this word means to you.
I wonder the emotions it makes you feel.
I wonder the memories.
I wonder the lessons.
I wonder the decisions you have made.
I wonder. I can only wonder because you hold the answers deep in your heart, and share when you want to.
For me, that name means a lot. The emotions, the memories, the lessons, the decisions I have made because of that word called Father. All are very precious to me.
Fathers are superheroes, their cape unknown. They are the first example of hidden strength you will experience. They hide behind strong hands but how they care so well.
In Africa, there is a stereotyped view of fathers. I will not say it is anyone’s fault because it is a cultural issue that keeps spanning on for years.
When men were boys, most of them were told to be a man by witholding their tears. To be brave by jumping in front of danger. Not to be girlish, and leave girls work for girls. They were told to man up.
The view of fathers that has been maintained is a man who shouts with angry eyes, maybe flogs, provides money, usually comes late at night, does not cry in front of his children, does not say I love you. Rarely hugs, peck or show physical signs of affection, tells you to go to your mother when you come complaining. Some may piggyback you as a child, and as you grow older, they just seem like they want to order your life, and tell you everything to do.
The symbol of affection is rarely associated with fathers, no wonder they have one day in a whole year, and some of us still forget.
Let me take backward steps.
Who can remember this?
“Daddy oyoyo!”
Or the usual treats he brought after work.
Or the excess meats that filled the pots when he made meals.
Though the symbol of affection is usually the mother, some of these special moments were the childhood thrills of having a father, and as age caught up with us, fatehr became a symbol of seriousness.
I know what I mentioned above is not applicable in everyone’s case but this is what I have observed to be a general view.
But……
Despite this…..
I have realized from a personal experience I have had with my father, that they care so deeply. Good fathers love so deeeply. They sacrifice and sweat, and shed tears, and sacrifice, and continue the cycle until they depart. Good fathers do not abandon their children even when they are grown and married. They always want to protect, and provide for you.
Mother tells me sometimes jokingly “Leave me alone oh! You can ride on”. Why?
Because I tell her that I was going to compose a song for fathers. There were too many songs for mothers.
Father would be your first guide who holds your hands as you decide to step into new grounds. They are a symbol of strenght and assurance that you are covered and protected.
For females, your father will give you honest views about men. He would critically scan the men you consider to be a great match. Don’t easily forget the advice he gives you about relationships.
For males, your father will give you valuable advice and depends on how close you decide to be with him. Mothers dispense even if you don’t ask them. Fathers love to be asked, and they share with those who they trust. Know that trust is not built in a day or by force.
Today is father’s day, and if your father does not tell you I love you, you can say it to him. Say it as much as you can. Write it as much as you can. Fathers love to hear those words.
If you can hug him or give him a warm handshake, do with sincerity, love, and respect. Show him the emotions you have been hiding.
And if the word father does not bring warm and positive emotions, then appreciate those that have meant that word to you. Sometimes family is more than a blood relation.
As you read these words…there was someone that came to your mind, and that thought has made you smile. You could drop some words of appreciation to that person who has meant that word to you.
To every good, and hardworking father, you are deeply appreciated. Thank you for making the world a better place.
To future fathers, saying “I love you” to your kids will allow them appreciate that word sincerely. Telling them they are beautiful or handsome will build their confidence. Be a symbol of love, affection and discipline. Let them be confident in your love. Be there for them.
FATHER
You held my tiny hands
You bent your back for me
You sometimes raised the cane on me
You emptied your pockets for me
I loved to call “Daddy!” and jump into your arms when my legs were tiny
And even though you rarely said “I love you”
I know that you dearly do
So I say: I love you too
Happy Fathers Day.
