A few weeks ago, we had a guest speaker teach our community the power of mentoring and today, we want to share some parts of this session with you. Enjoy and please share your thoughts in the comment section.
What is mentoring? MENTORING is an art of having an experienced person supporting another person with less experience to achieve goals and gaining similar experience over time.
Who is a Mentor:
(1) A wise and trusted counselor or teacher.
(2) An influential senior sponsor or supporter.
A mentee is simply someone guided by a mentor.
Now, why do you we need mentors?
- To reduce mistakes
- To avoid serious mistakes and operate on a clearer path
- To guide us and propel us to success by getting insights from people who have gone ahead
Experience is the best teacher, but it doesn’t have to be your own experience
DA Quote
Now, what is the difference between a MENTOR and a ROLE MODEL?
A mentor is actively involved in your “life”. A role model however you admire from afar, learn from their activities but they most likely don’t know you. You have occasional syncs with a mentor, you help mentors with tasks sometimes -to add value to them. You get ideas and ultimately become friends. Interestingly, a lot of people run their lives after Role Models instead of seeking Mentors. Mentors want to see you succeed, while role models may not even know who you are! Mentoring requires INTENTIONAL COMMITMENT from both Mentor and Mentee.
Commitment to succeed is the strength in mentorship. You should only find an experienced person to get committed to your success after you have shown commitment to succeed by yourself. I have seen a couple of people who think that mentors are simply ladders to the next level. This is sad.
A mentor sees 3 things from the window on Life;
§ The Road (Way)
Many youths like to just try things blindly. They may get the answer eventually but there is no need to reinvent the will, when you can find someone WILLING to give you INSIGHT. He/she has travelled the road before.
§ The Vehicle (Tools)
There are many tools you may need to tackle an issue. EXPERIENCE is the time and resources spent to overcome an issue. A mentor knows which one to use.
§ The Skill (Know-how)
Having the tools does not mean you are skillful. Skillfulness is derived by the different problems you have solved with the same tool. Mentors have solved several issues and can show how to use the same tool in your hand masterfully. There is a need to learn the road!
What a mentor does.
§ Gives clarity
§ Helps Capacity Development
§ Aids Delivery
Mentor’s Keys
§ He Provides Knowledge
§ He Provides the environment for Exposure
§ He Gives the mentee an opportunity to have Experience.
I will like to talk about environment for exposure. Exposure is different from experience. Exposure is when you watch someone handling or doing something. Experience is when you do it yourself. So just seeing someone doing it does not translate to experience. A relationship with a mentor would create that environment to see things first hand! My personal opinion is that, Man is born with gifts, talent and the power to dream BUT without knowledge. Hence, the need for direction by those who have gone ahead.
So how do these add up?
You have a dream and you’ve got the talent BUT the distance between your dream and talent is knowledge. This distance can only be travelled with people – experienced and willing people are better to travel with on the journey of life.
One foundational issue I have seen in Africa, especially Nigeria is that most of the young people are PROUD and don’t think they need help from older generation! However, in most cases, it is not a mentee-mentor relationship but it affects the disposition towards older people…
In conclusion, I would like to say that Mentoring is an age long practice that has grown in many phases. It is part of the success journey of many great people. In fact, the test of our commitment to our own success is measured by our readiness to learn and be accountable to someone else.
Questions
How can we attract and identify a Good mentor?
Attracting a good mentor:
Have the disposition to learn by asking relevant questions and finding a way to give them feedback. I have a mentee that was in the room when I was talking to someone else but she went ahead to do what I said and searched around for me to give me feedback, I was awestruck. She’s been my mentee for a while now.
Never ask for money or physical assistance but knowledge and evaluation.
You can also find time to show them what you have achieved and would like to get their opinion and advice on getting better results.
2) How to identify a good mentor;
+ They are willing to LISTEN…not just reel out instructions
+ They value your presence, effort, and time…not treating you as a disturbance
+ They ask you more questions than they talk
+ They look out for you especially in the direction you want them involved
+ They motivate you to do things by yourself
+ They are ready to step in and intervene in challenging times
+ They are firm and don’t mind telling you your fault with explanations. Not diminishing you
+ They have experience/result in a chosen field you want
N.B: A good mentor always shows his readiness to engage, advise, and sacrifice younger folks.
Which is better between physical mentoring and online mentoring?
Physical VS Online Mentoring:
The truth is that “Online” is already part of our physical lives now so the lines are getting blurry. Mentoring utilizes every means to advance the cause of the relationship. It is more result-oriented. All the channels are okay. Though, one may outweigh the other. It also depends on the peculiar situation of both parties.
At what point in a mentor-mentee relationship should the mentee call it quit?
Good question!
1) When there is redundancy – no visible progress due to the lack of commitment to the main reason for the relationship.
2) When abuse is visible – feeling of being used or harassed especially when no value is added anymore. There must be a review by both parties.
3) When agreed time or goal is achieved. An extension can be discussed. However, it can grow into a lifetime engagement. I still have people I have mentored for over 20 years who still seeking guidance from me. But the model of relationship has changed.
4) When feelings begin to set in between a male and female… an automatic brake must be applied.
It is not advisable to run a mentorship relationship between a single male and another single female unless it is a paid service. In the case of the opposite sex, it is also advisable that a married mentor should introduce his wife/family to the mentee and vice-versa.
Note: Mentoring is one of the most open relationships one can be because, it allows truth and evaluation to rule on both sides.
