Growing Up in an African Home: Spare the rod and listen to the child

Written By: Halimah Oluwayemi

If you are privileged to be an African child, then you will be very familiar with the favorite catch phrase “spare the rod and spoil the child”.

This is something we often hear our parents say in order to justify the spanking sessions they gave us, for times we get naughty or go against their will for us. And yes if you are wondering if there is an age limit to this well, unfortunately there isn’t. Because no matter how old you get in a typical African home, you are not too old to receive a few slaps on the back or sometimes on the face if need be. We jokingly call it the reset button for an African child. As absurd as this might sound to those foreign to this practice, we are proud to say it made us stronger in terms of survival and being up right in the society.

But just like every thing that has an advantage, this also has its disadvantage, an average African child raised in the yester years up unto the early 2000’s will attest to the fact that parents are being feared and not conversational. They simply don’t ask of your opinion before doing what they think is right for you which includes your choice of career, and if you are unlucky to be a good art student whose parent is pressuring to be in the science field, you will have to endure a lot of beatings from both parents and teachers to ensure you at least become an average science student. These have caused a lot of backlash in our society today, which has produced lots of adults who don’t even know their place or what is required of them in the world we live today, since they’ve had their parents mapped out their life from the word go.

The major problem this act has caused is depression as it is gradually creeping into our homes as they take shape in the minds of the young ones who don’t think they have a say, but have a lot to say to parents who aren’t willing to listen.

And so again I propose, “why not spare the rod and listen to that child” Let him tell you his greatest fears, let her tell you what life she wants to live, let him tell you his greatest desire. Then you will discover parenting isn’t as hard as our parents made it to be. It’s not meant to be a tug of war between your desire and your child’s wishes, it’s not about you living your unprivileged life through your child’s, it’s more about using the experience you have to guide your child through his/her own inner desire. When they are wrong correction is allowed but also trust them enough to give them the benefit of the doubt. “They have a mind of their own, it’s their right to use it, and your right as a parent to protect their interest”.

If we are able to achieve this, I expect that there will be a drastic reduction in suicide rates which has suddenly started gaining grounds in our society as it will enable every parent to unlock their counselling potentials, giving the young ones a better atmosphere to thrive and the strength to fight against peer pressure and societal rejections. The greatest weapon a child has against peer pressure or the fear of not being accepted, is “family Love, bond and support” These are the rights of the children to have and parents to give.